After keeping my mouth shut and after all the stress that we've put ourselves into, HERE I AM, saying my silent piece without anyone noticing it without anyone reading it.
So there you are. I think all of you are not dumb to feel what's between. I've been ignoring everything since day one. From all those "wrong sent" messages to constant murmuring. Oh! I guess, now I know. I've been "the talk of the back."
And now is my turn to let this all out. Why? Cause I can't take it anymore.
Since my 'hibernation' from the group, you know that there's always a reason behind it. I am busy with some serious stuff, which happens to help you too. And I believe, I don't have any shortcomings when you need me and I have done much, I mean, so much on my part. I never thought that, that 'hibernation' will be permanent enough for me to think that I really deserve the word, "SCRATCH".
I am now taking the blame. The blame, in which, I do believe, I deserve. I always think that you will always be with me and you don't have anything more to think of. I feel sorry for myself for giving to much or more of myself which you didn't ask for, so with that, you don't owe me anything.
While I was in my busiest days, I am hoping that when the day comes that I will be free from what I am with for the past two years, I'll get back what I have lost and bond with you again, I just thought that when I come back, you will still be there and willing to welcome me again with open arms and update me with your own respective lives, but then again, you didn't ask for it, so we ourselves, don't owe each other anything.
Believe me; I am trying to get back in track. Until a new bunch of people, introduced their selves to me and considered me as someone to be treasured and loved. Which, to tell you frankly, for the last 3 years, I didn't felt when I was with you. They were there, when you're busy talking behind me and fabricating stories that I did these and I did that. I never expected that those faces will be right before my eyes when I was expecting yours.
I felt like, they were my new family, which happens to be true and accurate. I never expected that they will be as warm as the sun and make me feel so important. I've been so grateful to have them, until I remembered that you have the narrowest minds in town. I don't mean to be cynical or what, but we must accept that it's true. That even the smallest things on earth needs to be discussed with just your opinions and views surrounding it, that when you say it, IT IS ALREADY FINAL and NO OBJECTIONS TO BE CONSIDERED.
I always understand that we have different situations, we have contrasting points of view and yet we remain to be friends. But I just don't understand the point on why we have to act like selfish high school kids being bothered by a b*tch or talk behind someone when they see or notice something wrong. I just don't think we act on our ages and we practice maturity. I can't remember a time that I did such thing to you or to anyone of you and I didn't remember that I let someone sit on the hot seat whenever there are forums.
Yeah, I am considering everyone from the group, pathetic and hypocrite. Why can't we just blame each other's faces and tell each other the mere fact that we are all imperfect and live without considering and pleasing other people.
For a period of time, I have already seen some of your attitudes and I am disappointed that as a friend, I was not able to do anything to make it right or even to lessen hypocrisy, to think that we're together for the last 3 years of our lives. Excruciating facts. Sorry if all of these came from me.
It saddens me to know that I don't think there are still chances to talk or to discuss CERTAIN MATTERS that needs much of our attention. But after all of what I scribbled tonight, I am still hoping that someday, somewhere, somehow, we'll be able to fix things and gather up what we have lost.
I may be happy with them, but it is a different feeling when I am with you.
Ending this not-so-long-yet-short piece,
Sam
