My 2011 EFF-Ender Review (Last Blog for 2011)

2011. I can say that THIS isn't my year. Lots of problems and trials have passed pero somehow masasabi ko na madami akong natutunan. If 2010 is my year of late realizations, waiting and love. Well, 2011 is the outcome of my 2010. A year full of lessons, giving it all up and repentance.

Since 2012 is fast approaching, parang patok na jeep pa-Cubao. Before we formally step in to another year, let me take you first on how my 2011 paved its way to teach me how to live, laugh and love. 

This is the 12 one-liners of my 2011. :)

1. FORGIVENESS is the key to HAPPINESS.

- Hindi ko sinasabi na hindi ako marunong magpatawad. Hindi ganun yun. It's just this year made think of new beginnings. I've learned that forgiving yourself is the first step in moving on and forgetting that you have done in the past.

Parang sa love lang yan eh. Paano ka magmamahal kung hindi mo magawang mahalin yung sarili mo. Ganun din sa pagpapatawad, matututunan mo lang na magpatawad kung alam mo na kung paano patawarin ang sarili mo.

2. MOVING ON.

- Last year, I focused on one being only. Why? Very simple. I loved that person so much and I've forgotten to give myself chance to improve. All I think was that person's sake and comfort. Nakalimutan kong pahalagahan yung iba, lalo na yung sarili ko. I made myself believe that nabuhay lang ako para ipagtanggol at ipaglaban siya laban sa masasamang mata. I WAS WRONG. THAT was wrong. 

So when I diverted my attention to work, studies, family and friends, I took the liberty of starting all over again. That time, sabi ko, nabuhay ako, para sa sarili ko at para sa mga mahal ko sa buhay. Nagpakalayu-layo. Nag-aral. Tinrabaho. Tinulungan ko na lang ang sarili kong umahon. Effective yun men! SOBRA. Pero sabi nila, kailangan kong gawin ang formality ng MOVING ON. That is, letting the person know that I need to move on and get myself back. Nagawa ko yun...

... After one year and a half.

3. ACCEPTANCE

- May mga bagay talaga sa buhay ng tao na kahit pagtuunan mo ng pansin, hinding-hindi talaga mapapasayo. Pwera sa number 2, eto yung isa sa mga pinaka-mahirap kong tinanggap ngayong 2011. Sa una, naisip ko, SAYANG. Pero eventually, pag nakita mong okay na lahat after ng ginawa mong move, okay ka na din eh. Wala yung grudge na pinanghahawakan mo. Kasi masaya ka na eh, so what seems to be the problem pa?

Natanggap ko na may ibang plano si God para sa akin. Hindi yun. May gagawin siyang DA BEST sa akin at isa lang ang kundisyon Niya, maghintay ako.

4. Friendship isn't measured by the years you've been together. It's the sincerity.

- This year, I've proven na sa isang grupong nagkakasundo, hindi batayan ang tagal. Nasama ako sa isang grupo na akala ko noon may initiation. (Lakas maka-frat diba?) Pero itong grupong ito, yung hindi ko aakalain na mamahalin at iingatan ko. Di naman nawawala yung may nag-aaway at nagka-clash pero at the end of the day, mararamdaman mo na nandiyan lang sila. Kahit na nagbabangayan dahil sa responsibilidad na hawak namin, handa kang damayan at samahan. Kahit na tinatawanan ka nila ng malakas sa lahat ng kalokohan na ginawa mo. Kahit na may bad habits ka, tatawanan ka lang nila.

Para sa akin, hindi sa pagkukumpara, ito yung barkadahang pangarap kong mabuo. At ngayong taon sila dumating. THANK YOU LORD! :">

5. CHANCES

- Everybody deserves a second chance. Minsan depende pa yan sa kung pang-ilang beses ka ng binigyan. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth, so on and so forth. Pero hindi naman huli ang lahat para mabago lahat ng pagkakamali. I mean, wala namang huli sa tao. Laging nasa kamay ng taong yun ang huling desisyon sa kung anong gagawin niya. Paano niya itatama at paano niya aayusin.

Minsan naisip ko, nakakalungkot. May mga binigyan ako ng chance para baguhin nila ang mga bagay-bagay pero sinayang lang nila. Syempre, ako, tao lang. Nagmamahal at gusto mo siyang tulungan na itama yung mali. Sana alam nila kung gaano ako nanghihinayang para dun. 

6. FOLLOW WHAT'S ON YOUR HEART

- Oo. Isa ako sa mga advocate ng "Unahin Ang Isip Bago Puso Movement". Pero nitong taon ko lang narealize na hindi pala pwedeng puro utak lang. Magkaiba kasi ang target ng puso at utak eh. Yung puso, para sa emotions. Dun, dun sa aspetong yan ka mawawalan ng reasoning. Bigyan kita ng example ah?

ADSFA: Bakit mo siya mahal?

XCBNJ: Hindi ko alam. Basta mahal ko siya.

Kitams? Wala ka na ngang reasoning, wala ka pang train of thought.

Ngayong taon, may mga gusto akong gawin. May mga gusto kong ma-achieve. Kumbaga, DESIRE. Pero hindi ko nagawa. Hindi ko sinunod yung GUSTO ko kasi naglaban sila ng DAPAT kong gawin. Eh dahil advocate ako ng samahan na yan, hinayaan ko yung DAPAT kesa sa GUSTO ko. 

Kaya tingnan mo ko ngayon... Anong nakita mo? O kung ano mang nakita mo, tumahimik ka na lang.

Isa lang naman ang landing ng gusto kong sabihin, BALANCE. Timbang timbang din kapatid! Makakatulong yun. Wag kang gumaya sa akin na inuna ang dapat sa gusto. Hindi ka magiging masaya dun.

7. LAHAT NG BAGAY, MALIIT O MALAKI, DISASTROUS O WALA LANG, NATATAPOS.

- "Everything ends okay. If it's not okay. Then, it's not yet the end." Ikekembot na lang yan, ipapalit ko na yang kasabihan na yan sa Facebook profile ko. Sabi nga ng isang malapit na kaibigan, lahat ng bagay, natatapos. Depende sa tao, panahon at plano.

Yeah, you can choose where to put a period to emphasize the end, but don't forget to have faith that people involved will be out of the situation. Whether wounded or not, happy or sad, o kung anu pa man.

Nothing stays forever and that includes PROBLEMS.

8. NO IS A WORD YOU NEED TO LEARN TO USE WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.

- Actually, nakuha ko lang ito sa talk ng mentor ko. Tama siya. Alam niyang isa ako sa mga anak niyang hindi marunong tumanggi. Nawawala ang wittiness pag nasa higher position ang kausap at may posibilidad na daanin sa iyak ang lahat. Hindi ako marunong tumanggi. Isa yun sa mga sakit ko. Sa utos ng professor, kay Mama at Papa, sa kaibigan, kaklase o kahit sa hindi ko kilala. Minsan nga, ako pa yung nahihiyang tumanggi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Siguro feel ko lang minsan na magpaka-anghel sa lupa at gawin ang lahat ng kaya kong gawin.

This year, masasabi kong natutunan kong isipin ang lahat ng posibilidad. Hindi dahil naisip ko siya bigla, kundi dahil NAKAKADALA. Alam mo na yung ibig kong sabihin. Nasasagad din ang kindness meter ko, lalo na sa mga abuso at tine-take lang ako for granted. 

Note: Kung kilala mo ito, wag mo na lang isipin. May malaki pa yang kasalanan sa akin. Hindi pa siya bayad, mapa-pera man o KASALANAN.

Another note: Isang araw sa 2012, gagawin kong impyerno ang buhay mo. #SRSLY *evil laugh*

So ayun nga, 2011 is the year of waking up to reality na lahat ng pabor ay may limitasyon at ang pagiging mabait ko eh parang race, may finish line.

Ang utos ng professor ay isang way ng pagte-train sayo.

Ang pabor ng kaibigan ay either, wala na siyang choice at lalapit na siya sayo o ikaw ang una niyang lalapitan tapos after nun, siya pa ang galit. (Ganun din sa kaklase)

Ang utang, kahit gaano katagal, ay utang pa rin at responsibilidad ng tao na bayaran.

9. If people walk away, let them do their thing.

Kung may mga dumating at nadadagdag na tao sa buhay, syempre, may nababawas din.

"Ang buhay ay parang bus. May sasakay, pero may bababa din."

Ako bilang driver ng bus ng buhay ko, may nakakakwentuhan ako, nakakatabi, nakakasalamuha at nakikilala. Pero darating at darating talaga yung panahon na bababa at bababa sila sa lugar na dapat eh sa kanila. Maaaring nahanap na nila yung tamang daan para sa kanila, yung tamang ruta. Pero walang nakakaalam, kung babalik pa ako sa pinagbabaan nila, hindi ko alam kung sasakay sila ulit o baka may hinihintay na silang ibang bus. Nauna lang ako kasi patuk-patukan ako. #OKLastKoNaYun

Sana habang naglalakbay sila, maalala nila na may isang "SAM" na nakasama sa biyahe nila at masaya ako para sa kanila. Walang duda.

10. ALWAYS ACCOUNT FOR VARIABLE CHANGE

- May nagbabago talaga. Kaya nga may kasabihan na "The constant thing in this world is change." Paradox di ba? Oo, paradox talaga yan. Natutunan ko nung 1st year college ako sa isang terror na teacher.

Pwede magbago lahat. Oras, tao, bagay, TRATO ng tao sa iyo, GRADES, kaibigan, ka-ibigan, CRUSH, lahat. Walang exemption sa sinasabi nilang pagbabago. Nakakalungkot lang isipin, may iilang tao na hirap tanggapin ang pagbabago. (Dati, isa ako dun.) Pero syempre, wala naman na tayong magagawa. Hindi naman tumigil ang mundo nung may nagbago. Tanggapin na lang natin. Yun naman ang bottom line eh.

Pero isa lang ang gusto kong malaman, sa mga nagbago ang trato sa akin, BAKIT? Pasensya ah? Medyo magulo kasi ang 2011 ko. Baka may nagawa ako sayong hindi ko namalayan. Sorry talaga. Sabihin mo na lang sa akin para di ko na ulitin.

Sa mga nagbago ang trato ko, kung tingin mong kasama ka dito, approach mo na lang ako. Ipapaliwanag ko.

11. ANG TIWALA AY PARANG SWELDO, INE-EARN.

- Hindi yun nabibili sa palengke o bina-bargain sa tiangge. Pinaghihirapan yun. Hindi yun pwedeng ibigay ng basta basta. Kasi nga pinaghihirapan.

Sa part ng blog na ito, dito ko gustong humingi ng tawad. Hindi ko na kayo papangalanan, pero kilala mo naman ang sarili mo, dun sigurado ako.

Uy! Sorry ah? You might not accept my reasoning na hindi ko sinasadya, kaya nga ngayon humihingi ako ng sorry. Sa mga nagawa ko, sa mga kalokohan at katarantaduhan ko na pwedeng nagpagalit, nagpainis at nagpaiyak sa'yo. Or even worst, ikinasira ng tiwala at pananalig mo sa akin. Pero gusto ko lang malaman mo na pinagsisisihan ko na lahat. Willing akong gawin kahit na ano para makabawi. Willing na willing ako.  Kasi ngayon, papatunayan ko na pwede akong pagkatiwalaan ulit. Na pwede mo ng ipagkatiwala ang buong buhay mo sa akin at gagawin ko na yung sobra sa lahat para alagaan at ingatan yun. Kung gusto mo, ilalagay ko pa sa safe ng pamilya namin.

Tao lang ako. Maloko, sira ulo, nakakagawa ng mga bagay na pwedeng Walt Disney o Warner Brothers lang ang tumatanggap, pero gagawin ko lahat para this time, Pinoy Big Brother na ang mag-offer. 

12. ANG ORAS PARANG KAHIHIYAN. HINDI NA NABABAWI.

- Isa ang 2011 sa mga pinaka-busy na taon ng buhay ko. Seriously. Tanong mo sa kanila. January pa lang, unang-unang pasko ng taon, trabaho agad ang salubong. Kung ano yun, nakalimutan ko na.

Pero totoo, nahiya sa akin ang telepono ng Meralco. Mas busy pa ako dun. Pero syempre kahit ganun, may natutunan naman ako. Kaya nga, ito yung pang-huli diba?

Sobrang laki ng hinayang ko ngayong taon. Bakit kamo? Kasi kahit konting oras man lang, wala akong nailaan para sa dahilan kung bakit ko ito ginagawa, sa pamilya ko. Lalo na sa nanay kong matampuhin pa sa buhok. Nanghihinayang ako sa lahat ng nasayang na oras. Ultimo, 19th birthday ko, hindi sila ang kasama ko, kundi ilaw, laptop, script at ang mga artista ko. Busy din ako ayusin ang buhay ko nun. Buhay ko na nung mga panahon na yun eh, nagpakawala din ng isang anghel at inosenteng buhay.

Nawalan ako ng oras sa mga mas importanteng bagay sa buhay ko. Kaya nga ngayong taon, pipilitin kong magkaroon ng oras para sa kanila.

Isang beses lang silang mabubuhay, sulit sulit din.

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Sa haba neto, para ka nang nagbasa ng isang chapter ng Harry Potter. Pero malapit naman ng matapos eh, dagdagan na natin. Bagong tao naman eh. Laabyu! :P

2011 isn't my year. Pero sa dami ng nalagay ko dito, baka pwede na din. I need to learn THESE and maybe use to build a better life next year. Madami mang mangyari, ang importante is may natutunan ako. Yun naman lagi eh. Kumbaga sa analyzation ng kahit na anong literary piece, lagi talagang may moral. Pag wala yun, ibig sabihin nun, di mo naintindihan yung binasa mo. 

Hindi ko man nabasa ng maayos ang buhay ko nitong 2011, pinaka-fulfilling na yung madami kang natutunan, kahit simpleng pagbasa lang ng tama.

Sa mga darating pang tao sa buhay ko, WELCOME in advance! :)

Sa mga umalis, GOOD LUCK.

At syempre sa mga kasama ko pa, SALAMAT!

Happy New Year 2012!! =^__________^=

*Now Playing: Auld Lang Syne*

Untitled

I know, a person or two will have the chance to see this blog entry, I don't really entertain people when they want to see and read what's with this.


Now, since this is my blog, with all of my heart and all that I am, I would like these. 


 I
 I
 I
 I
V


First off is SORRY.


Sorry if I hurt someone or some people with all the wrong moves and wrong decisions that I've put myself into. I know, people have different interpretations with everything and SORRY if I were not able to clear things out and maybe correct them.


I never imagined that JOKES and MEANINGFUL ACTIONS can really make a mess. ANOTHER MESS.


With what "I've said" and what "I've mentioned" to whoever, to put all things to its end, OK. I am claiming everything, whether I did this or did that. I don't consider this as an heroic act to save myself and be a savior, I've decided to do such, because I don't want to prolong this and I want this TO END.


Sorry if I was not able to open myself up. It is really my norm not to open myself to people surrounding me. I stand for what I believe in but I don't have the courage to defend that and ends up following the majority. I always feel so alone whenever I notice that people don't approach me or even to talk to me.


I have suicidal tendencies and I HURT MYSELF when my mind has no room for anything and can't think straight. I am afraid of being alone. I don't care with what people can say but I don't want to hear those.


I have trust issues. I don't trust anyone that much. When I say a thing, I am having regrets and I tend to be paranoid and be a keen observant if that person will tell it to anyone.


Seriously, I want to open myself but I don't know what or where to start. I really want to but I really can't. I find it hard to move on and I can't forgive myself that easy. That's one thing I must learn.


I have lots of things on my mind but I don't have no one to turn to because I don't have the ability to trust people with everything.


What you are seeing from the outside is far different from what I really am. I may come up as a person with strong personality but with all those mentioned above, I am really weak.


I am not a perfect person. I have lots of things to fix. Like you, I am lacking some things that people may have the most and vice versa. 


I wish myself to let go of everything that hurt me and people surrounding me. I may have difficulties to forgive myself, but believe me, for my own sake, I am trying. Really hard.


So, again, for the nth time, I am sorry. I will exert much effort to make it up and to straight things up.


*This is starting to be a tearjerker*

These RANDOM things...

I just thought of writing another entry 'coz it's effing boring and I need to spare my time for productive moves and acts. #DoesThisLooksLikeAProductiveOneThinkThinkThink

WELL. Nuff said. Here are some of random things that merely explains why I am weird and why I am misunderstood.

1. Though it doesn't show at all, I love comfy shoes. I like the ones which can be bought in Divisoria, Quiapo and Baclaran. Di naman ako maarte sa gamit, as long as it is cheap yet worth the price, gorabells na :)

2. These past few months lang ako natuto talaga ng Gay Lingo and use proper code names when we (with The Group) talk some people. (e.g., "Princess Sarah", "Kaharian", "YIN-YANG" and the most epic, "FLAWLESS PATOLA")

3. I prefer going out at night. Kahit na parang sobrang delikado and everything. Wala lang, I really want to see the world at night. Especially when there are lotsa lots of LIGHT. 

4. Mapang-asar ako. SOBRA! Pero I am a self-confessed PIKON.

5. I love giving letters. Though hindi na siya trend, EH bakit ba? Words are best when you write them and give it to someone close to your heart.

6. Malakas ako makaramdam ng mga bagay-bagay. Just like what I am telling everyone, "ALAM KO. HINDI AKO TANGA."

7. OPM's the best! Really. Loves Original Pilipino Music with all of my heart. (Now Playing: Kay Tagal Kitang Hinintay - Spongecola)

8. I procrastinate a lot. When I say A LOT, it's true and sakop nun ang lahat ng oras na tinamad ako.

9. Sa ngayon, NABIBITTER AKO. Yun lang. #NuffSaid

10. I love the feeling of listening. I am more like of a listener than a speaker. Pero when words are needed, that would be fine as well.

11. Hinayaan ako ng parents ko at the age of 17. (2nd year college) For them kasi, I must enjoy my years of being young kaya hindi sila naghihigpit. Pero when needed, nagpapaalam pa rin naman ako.

12. Alam ng nanay ko kung gaano ko minahal yung HULI. Like niya nga yun eh.

13. I write songs. Pero nakatago sa baul halos sa lahat. Still finding the perfect time to let it all out.

14. Masyado akong mapanlait. Sabi nga nila, IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY. Pero before I speak, pinaprocess ko muna kung paano ko sasabihin.

15. I realized that I am happier now, with friends and ******. Contented :)

(to be continued)

Here I am, TAKEN FOR GRANTED

"I'm tired of being taken for granted...that was suppose to stop with you "


I dunno what happened, what has been accomplished or whatever. You become as someone whom I never met and never knew from the first place. Well, I guess, that's what happens to people who has been hurt and wants to get out of some excruciating experiences in their respective lives.


You said before that, YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. That you'll treasure what we have and consider my opinions for you to decide and come up with things that may change or may not change your life and your point of view.


Di naman ito, first come first serve basis, alam ko. Pero para kasing di ka na ata marunong mag-isip. Oh my gosh! You're not the only human being living in this planet that you tend to forget people and neglect them when you're with somebody else. You keep on acting as if you don't really care, basta ikaw masaya. GREAT WAY OF THINKING, ISN'T IT?


No one knew or even I, I never knew THAT YOU CAN DO THESE TO ME! Akala ko pa naman, you don't have the capacity to hurt me, as a friend. As someone whose very willing to do EVERYTHING and willing to kill people whenever they talk about you. And now I realized, you don't appreciate or even acknowledge them. Kumbaga, wala man lang, pa-Consuelo de Bobo :)


Nakakabitter kasi, nakakawalang bilib ka na talaga. Nakakawalang respeto, nakakawalang ..... Basta! Nakakawala. Sana pati respeto ko, hindi sumama sa pagkawala ng bilib at paghanga ko sayo. SAYANG KA! SAYANG.


I used to believe that you're one of the best critical thinkers ever born but yet. Or maybe, you're one of the most stupid persons I've ever met and chose to be a professional one as your heart tries to eat you from inside.


Let me tell you this thing. You are screwing up with a very unethical whatever. Sorry for the term but that's a fact. Try to teach that person to be more courteous and when he/she tries to let someone stay from a certain house, at least,  try to ask the owner of the house. Don't act as if he/she owns every solid thing he/she sees and try to manipulate everything. You're gonna show that person to your parents? You must be kidding me, aren't you?


I know, this entry has been wrapped with bitter statements and ill-mannered use of figures of speech, but I just can't stop my tips to let these all out. But make it sure, that when you get back from where you've been, don't you ever try to cry or regret anything because you chose to do such.


By the end of this thing, I am wishing you the best of luck and at least, try not to leave people who has been with you SINCE DAY ONE. They really know what you've been through.


T H A N K S F O R T H E M E M O R I E S


One year and a half officially ENDS here and RIGHT NOW

Yung totoo, nananadya ka lang?

Yung feeling na parang may mga tao talaga na sadyang nananadya lang kasi parang di nila iniisip yung nararamdaman mo?


GANUN NA GANUN!Parang basta ako masaya, ikaw bahala ka jan! Di na ako nagpapaapekto sayo! Parang di ka nag-iisip. Yung totoo, wala ng utak? KALOKA KA! Lahat na lang ginamitan ng PUSO? Di ko lang alam kung nagpapaka-impulsive ka lang these past few days o sadyang pwedeng ganyan ka na forever.


Di naman kasi ganyan kung pagkakakilala ko sayo. I mean, ibang iba. Sobrang logical, napaka-critical thinker. Anyare ngayon? Critical ka ng literal.


Nakakawalang-bilib ka! NA KA KA WA LANG BI LIB! Yun naaaaaa!


QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM! #%?/7(*@&FKC#!>?.P0$@#!8@#$%^&*()

Before the word GOODBYE hurts me too much and too hard to handle... :)

Oh! Hell yeah! Happy Sembreak y'all. I missed blogging with too much sense. XD (Yeah, been doing the same old thing!) So yesterday, October 21, is the start of my most-awaited and last semestral break (HOPEFULLY) ever in my whole educational life. My class or my batch has been extended for a week because of doing the chasing, running and cramming thing and I guess, nobody wants that. So I passed my final requirement on Literary Criticism on October 20, 1:30 AM just to set myself free from stress.


But with the things I have done, I have that sad feeling that in a few months from now, I am off to the real world. I'll be facing real challenges that life had prepared for me. I lose my own track when I think of letting things go, of everything that I've experienced in my 16 years of bombarding myself with school works and everything. And that feeling, kills me, really.


It's just I must learn how to let go and think of ways to make every single second of my last semester, worth remembering.


But then, I must be thankful that with that heartbreaking fact, I get to know myself more and more each day. With the help of friends and colleagues, they helped me know my strengths and weaknesses. 


So, before a tear drops from my eyes, I must end this now and enjoy my 2-week break :))

Kanina, nakasakay ako sa jeep kasama ko yung isa sa mga kabarkada kong lalaking antukin. Ako, tulala siya tulog. Ako na tulala, siya ewan ko. Sana umuwi na lang akong mag-isa para naman kahit pano nakaalis pa ko, pero sige na nga, uuwi nako. :)

There's one line from one of my favorite songs by John Mayer.


"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A REAL WORLD".

Naisip ko, meron din kayang
"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"?

I don't know. Maybe they were just hiding from me when I badly need them. Too sad, di ako praktisado sa hide&seek kaya wala lang. Talo ako lagi sa hanapan.

Habang binabagtas ko ang V. Mapa, one thing I have in mind is that, why are people so obsessed when judging the other? Or others? (para sa mga masyadong grammar conscious) Do they know when to stop? Whom to judge? Where to start? How to get back those spoken words? I guess, they were not able to know the answers kasi they are too busy with one single thing, and obviously, that's JUDGING.

I have been judged. I have been back stabbed. Since I started my school career, hypocrites and plastic-made people were all over me. I have never been bullied for my whole entire life, lumalaban kasi ako. Pero I have been in an all-in-one hell chair, which they call THE HOT SEAT. I've been on that freaking chair several times before, but believe me, the recent open forum that I had is the most excruciating scenario of my 18 years of existence. Sana na-bully na lang ako. Sana pinatid na lang ako ng mga kaklase ko. Sana pinalibutan nila ng tinik yung upuan ko. Sana nilagyan na lang nila ng patibong lahat ng dadaanan ko. Kasi that feeling of sitting in that fcuking chair, is like burning yourself in a pot of boiling water na kahit na anong gawin ko, di ka makakaalis.


HEY! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?

May takip yung pot ng water kaya di ka makakalabas.

I know, it has been a month and a half, but for me, the feeling of emptiness and sorrow are still there. IT'S STILL HERE. Di naman sa masama ang loob ko. Actually, thankful pa ko kasi I have learned two great things from that scene.

One, I learned that you should not trust others with your secrets; and

Two, I learned how to do things on my own.

Dati kasi, I am a type of person na takot gawin ang bagay ng mag-isa. Medyo tanga pa kasi ako nun (well, hanggang ngayon naman). Pero iba ngayon. Si Sam na hindi makalabas ng classroom ng walang kasama, nakakakain na ng mag-isa sa fast food chain, naghihintay na ng jeep sa isang malayong lugar, nakakabiyahe na ng mag-isa, nakakapunta ng mall, nanunuod ng sine, kumakanta, naglalaro sa Timezone at Worlds of Fun ng walang kasama. Masaya pala kasama ang sarili minsan.

After series of being alone, I loved it. Natuwa ako sa sarili ko kasi I get to know more about myself na hindi ko nagawa before because of making my world revolve around with people who sets their own standards.

Di man ako nagsasasali sa fraternity or sorority, di man ako nag-ddrugs, masaya ako mag-isa. Wala kang iintindihin na ibang tao. Iwan ang mundo sa likod mo at hayaan silang tingnan ka mula ulo hanggang paa, na wala kang pakielam. Umupo sa kahabaan ng Manila Bay at abangan ang paglubog na araw. Libutin ang buong SM Mall of Asia ng walang kapaguran.

Parang since then, na-apply ko sa sarili ko yung


LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.

Sometimes, it is better to curse people in your mind than to let it all out. Mas OK ng nagbblog ka kesa nanunumpa ka.

Mas OK ng manahimik ka kesa nagsasalita ka.

Since then, di na ako nag-oopen up. Nahirapan ako, nag-suffer ang puso ko. Nagbalak ako lumipat ng section dahil sa trauma na inabot ko, pero walang nangyari. Feeling ko, nawalan ako ng kaibigan sa sobrang kagustuhan ko na protektahan sila sa evil monsters. At the end, ako pa yung naging evil monster sa paningin nila.

Nawalan ng tiwala sa sarili. Nawalan ng tiwala sa ibang tao, kaibigan at kahit sa kung sino pa. Sarili ko na lang ang gusto kong pagkatiwalaan sa mga gusto kong sabihin sa lahat.

Di ko alam kung bakit ko ito sinasabi. Siguro kasi, may nakumpirma ako na di ko nagustuhan, may nangyayari na hindi ko na lang babanggitin kahit kanino. May something na dapat nasa ilalim na lang ng unan ko para walang makaalam.

Ewan ko. Ayoko ng magsalita. Nakakasawang umupo sa hot seat, di ko alam

Magulo po ang blog entry na ito, but just like annoy other people na walang makausap, walang permanenteng shock absorber, mas mabuti pang sa ganitong paraan na lang. Nababasa man ng mga mata niyo, alam kong naiintindihan ng puso at isipan niyo ang gusto kong iparating. Di ko man maisigaw, at least, nalaman mo na mas pipiliin ko na lang ng mag-isa kesa sumama at makisama sa mga taong di alam ang depinisyon ng "PLAIN JUDGING" :)

"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"

Yan ang paniniwala ko sa ngayon. Di ko ito inimbento, yun yung laman ng puso at isip ko. :)

If you know how to be happy,

The world has nothing to do with it. It might as well be cooperative. 


Happiness comes in ways you don't know.


>>:D<<

On The View Of The Heavier and Guilty Side...

After keeping my mouth shut and after all the stress that we've put ourselves into, HERE I AM, saying my silent piece without anyone noticing it without anyone reading it.

So there you are. I think all of you are not dumb to feel what's between. I've been ignoring everything since day one. From all those "wrong sent" messages to constant murmuring. Oh! I guess, now I know. I've been "the talk of the back."

And now is my turn to let this all out. Why? Cause I can't take it anymore.

Since my 'hibernation' from the group, you know that there's always a reason behind it. I am busy with some serious stuff, which happens to help you too. And I believe, I don't have any shortcomings when you need me and I have done much, I mean, so much on my part. I never thought that, that 'hibernation' will be permanent enough for me to think that I really deserve the word, "SCRATCH".

I am now taking the blame. The blame, in which, I do believe, I deserve. I always think that you will always be with me and you don't have anything more to think of. I feel sorry for myself for giving to much or more of myself which you didn't ask for, so with that, you don't owe me anything.

While I was in my busiest days, I am hoping that when the day comes that I will be free from what I am with for the past two years, I'll get back what I have lost and bond with you again, I just thought that when I come back, you will still be there and willing to welcome me again with open arms and update me with your own respective lives, but then again, you didn't ask for it, so we ourselves, don't owe each other anything. 

Believe me; I am trying to get back in track. Until a new bunch of people, introduced their selves to me and considered me as someone to be treasured and loved. Which, to tell you frankly, for the last 3 years, I didn't felt when I was with you. They were there, when you're busy talking behind me and fabricating stories that I did these and I did that. I never expected that those faces will be right before my eyes when I was expecting yours. 

I felt like, they were my new family, which happens to be true and accurate. I never expected that they will be as warm as the sun and make me feel so important. I've been so grateful to have them, until I remembered that you have the narrowest minds in town. I don't mean to be cynical or what, but we must accept that it's true. That even the smallest things on earth needs to be discussed with just your opinions and views surrounding it, that when you say it, IT IS ALREADY FINAL and NO OBJECTIONS TO BE CONSIDERED.

I always understand that we have different situations, we have contrasting points of view and yet we remain to be friends. But I just don't understand the point on why we have to act like selfish high school kids being bothered by a b*tch or talk behind someone when they see or notice something wrong. I just don't think we act on our ages and we practice maturity. I can't remember a time that I did such thing to you or to anyone of you and I didn't remember that I let someone sit on the hot seat whenever there are forums.

Yeah, I am considering everyone from the group, pathetic and hypocrite. Why can't we just blame each other's faces and tell each other the mere fact that we are all imperfect and live without considering and pleasing other people.

For a period of time, I have already seen some of your attitudes and I am disappointed that as a friend, I was not able to do anything to make it right or even to lessen hypocrisy, to think that we're together for the last 3 years of our lives. Excruciating facts. Sorry if all of these came from me. 

It saddens me to know that I don't think there are still chances to talk or to discuss CERTAIN MATTERS that needs much of our attention. But after all of what I scribbled tonight, I am still hoping that someday, somewhere, somehow, we'll be able to fix things and gather up what we have lost.

I may be happy with them, but it is a different feeling when I am with you.

Ending this not-so-long-yet-short piece,

Sam

*THE* Group (July 25, 2011)

My ever-loves *The* Group :)))

Eternity

I was actually inspired by some of my friends to write a song 'cause for them, I have this and I have that. Whatever they are. Hahaha

Now, I'm gonna publish one of the most "PINAKATATAGO" song. I even searched for this on my laptop files though it's dead for quite some time now. With the title, "ETERNITY"

--------------------------------------------

V1:
Though you never know
I would like to stand beside you
Spend most of my time
And waste every second doing none
It was another dream that waits
Another illusion meant to last

Refrain:
If only I had the courage to say,
"Will you be mine?"

Chorus:
Those stars lights the night
Just like what you did with mine
I wonder if you ever thought of me
Just like the way I think of you
Did it ever crossed your mind
That I will take you to eternity

V2:
Will you let me take you with me
Or even for a lifetime
I will choose to be with you
Even if it means letting everything go
Cause life itself is not life
When you're away from me

If only I had the courage to say,

"Will you be mine?"

Those stars lights the night

Just like what you did with mine

I wonder if you ever thought of me

Just like the way I think of you

Did it ever crossed your mind

That I will take you to eternity

Bridge:

With all things I said,

Though you don't hear this

I just want you to feel this

This heart

Dreams to be yours

Dreams you to be mine

Those stars lights the night

Just like what you did with mine

I wonder if you ever thought of me

Just like the way I think of you

Did it ever crossed your mind

That I will take you to eternity

If this is...

If this happened just for the sake of nothingness, I would rather have it blank and leave it with the note, "No Turning Back".
If this happened just to change everything I feel, I would make it another chapter of stupidity.

I know this happened for a reason, for a reason that is known by no one.

I am sorry for the damage that I have done and  for being stupid after all. It is a year and a half. I almost gave up everything but I ended up losing the fight that I have been conquering since day one. I may never notice what happened to us, what happened to me. I will keep it on my mind that I loved you and I need to do this for us to be happy as plain friends.

Friends just like before. This is not giving up. I never gave up. It is more like I want you to be happy and I want it for real.

Now, there's another who's trying to steal me away from everything. Don't worry, I'll be more careful this time.


Thank you and be happy :)

"Lahat pwede magsabi ng 'Mahal kita' pero hindi ang 'Mahal din kita'"


Ang swerte niya sayo. Kasi mahal mo din siya. Gagawin ko na tong tumblr. Kasi di ako makapagpost dun, kasi alam kong mababasa mo at ayokong mabasa mo. Baka kasi hindi mo ituloy yung balak mo na umalis kasi ngayon ko pa napiling mag-drama kung kailan nagbabalak tayo umalis. Baka i-tweet mo na naman ako, di mo na naman ako pansinin sa FB o kaya sa text. Kaya mas mabuti na yung hindi mo nalalaman.


Akala ko kasi OK na ko ee. OK na. Tanggap ko na hindi na. Na wala na. Na hindi na ako aasa kahit na anong mangyari. Pero bakit ganon? Isang klik lang. Ni hindi na nga kita iniisip ee. Tapos biglang ganun. Masakit pa rin isaksak sa kokote ko na wala na. Na hindi ko na dapat isipin yun kasi masaya ka na. At ako? Trying so hard to forget what I felt for the past year, knowing na alam kong imposible siya.


Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Kahit na walang namagitan sa atin na kahit na ano, binigay mo sa akin lahat ng magagandang dahilan para mahalin ka at lahat ng pangit na dahilan na wag kita mahalin, pero ganun pa rin ee. Mahal pa rin kita. Mahal na mahal T.T


Kahit na hindi ko na kaya. Kahit pagod nako tumingin mula sa malayo. Ganun pa rin.


AKALA KO OK NA AKO!

The THIRD part :)

Location: Libis Ng Nayon, Los Banos, Laguna.

*All shots were taken April 9, 2011

Photography Part 2

2nd batch of my shots. Used my camera Jata for all of these and some of my spare time :)

P H O T O G R A P H Y

Aside from facebook-ing, tumblr-ing, playing Cityville, searching for my school works, investigating and of course, blogging, there is a certain side of my head and my heart that needs improvement and more improvement. And that is, PHOTOGRAPHY.

I envy people who own a DSLR. Those really make my eyes cry blood, 'cause I really really love to have one, though  already have Jata and Max, I still want to have a DSLR when I reach my 20s or 30s.

As of now, I have some of my shots that makes me feel that I need to attend photography classes and a camera just like what I mentioned a while ago is a must have.

Shot taken last October 6, 2008. 4th floor, West Wing.

In Cainta, Rizal while having a break from a tiring dance rehearsal.

Now, I have my model. That's my bestfriend. Taken in Manila Ocean Park while having an exciting stroll. Looks like she's searching for Spongebob.

I feel so sad when I took this shot from the veranda of a villa in Trece Martires, Cavite. In time for Valentine's day. 

I was surprised when I saw this image. No effects used. It's me with my high school buddy.

Taken last July 6, 2010. July 5th is a memorable date. Cause I got her hands locked into mine, THE WHOLE DAY.

The center isle of our venue for a presentation. And oh! There's my life over there. Cute isn't it?

From Mt. Makiling. A debut celebration of a close friend. June 13, 2010.

So far, if my observations will support me, I call myself as a VERY FRUSTRATED PHOTOGRAPHER. I don't know. I feel that there is a photographer in me. And in the near future, I know that I will be able to attain  and fulfill my dream, though it is just part-time, I want to be a photographer.