Untitled

I know, a person or two will have the chance to see this blog entry, I don't really entertain people when they want to see and read what's with this.


Now, since this is my blog, with all of my heart and all that I am, I would like these. 


 I
 I
 I
 I
V


First off is SORRY.


Sorry if I hurt someone or some people with all the wrong moves and wrong decisions that I've put myself into. I know, people have different interpretations with everything and SORRY if I were not able to clear things out and maybe correct them.


I never imagined that JOKES and MEANINGFUL ACTIONS can really make a mess. ANOTHER MESS.


With what "I've said" and what "I've mentioned" to whoever, to put all things to its end, OK. I am claiming everything, whether I did this or did that. I don't consider this as an heroic act to save myself and be a savior, I've decided to do such, because I don't want to prolong this and I want this TO END.


Sorry if I was not able to open myself up. It is really my norm not to open myself to people surrounding me. I stand for what I believe in but I don't have the courage to defend that and ends up following the majority. I always feel so alone whenever I notice that people don't approach me or even to talk to me.


I have suicidal tendencies and I HURT MYSELF when my mind has no room for anything and can't think straight. I am afraid of being alone. I don't care with what people can say but I don't want to hear those.


I have trust issues. I don't trust anyone that much. When I say a thing, I am having regrets and I tend to be paranoid and be a keen observant if that person will tell it to anyone.


Seriously, I want to open myself but I don't know what or where to start. I really want to but I really can't. I find it hard to move on and I can't forgive myself that easy. That's one thing I must learn.


I have lots of things on my mind but I don't have no one to turn to because I don't have the ability to trust people with everything.


What you are seeing from the outside is far different from what I really am. I may come up as a person with strong personality but with all those mentioned above, I am really weak.


I am not a perfect person. I have lots of things to fix. Like you, I am lacking some things that people may have the most and vice versa. 


I wish myself to let go of everything that hurt me and people surrounding me. I may have difficulties to forgive myself, but believe me, for my own sake, I am trying. Really hard.


So, again, for the nth time, I am sorry. I will exert much effort to make it up and to straight things up.


*This is starting to be a tearjerker*