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I know, a person or two will have the chance to see this blog entry, I don't really entertain people when they want to see and read what's with this.


Now, since this is my blog, with all of my heart and all that I am, I would like these. 


 I
 I
 I
 I
V


First off is SORRY.


Sorry if I hurt someone or some people with all the wrong moves and wrong decisions that I've put myself into. I know, people have different interpretations with everything and SORRY if I were not able to clear things out and maybe correct them.


I never imagined that JOKES and MEANINGFUL ACTIONS can really make a mess. ANOTHER MESS.


With what "I've said" and what "I've mentioned" to whoever, to put all things to its end, OK. I am claiming everything, whether I did this or did that. I don't consider this as an heroic act to save myself and be a savior, I've decided to do such, because I don't want to prolong this and I want this TO END.


Sorry if I was not able to open myself up. It is really my norm not to open myself to people surrounding me. I stand for what I believe in but I don't have the courage to defend that and ends up following the majority. I always feel so alone whenever I notice that people don't approach me or even to talk to me.


I have suicidal tendencies and I HURT MYSELF when my mind has no room for anything and can't think straight. I am afraid of being alone. I don't care with what people can say but I don't want to hear those.


I have trust issues. I don't trust anyone that much. When I say a thing, I am having regrets and I tend to be paranoid and be a keen observant if that person will tell it to anyone.


Seriously, I want to open myself but I don't know what or where to start. I really want to but I really can't. I find it hard to move on and I can't forgive myself that easy. That's one thing I must learn.


I have lots of things on my mind but I don't have no one to turn to because I don't have the ability to trust people with everything.


What you are seeing from the outside is far different from what I really am. I may come up as a person with strong personality but with all those mentioned above, I am really weak.


I am not a perfect person. I have lots of things to fix. Like you, I am lacking some things that people may have the most and vice versa. 


I wish myself to let go of everything that hurt me and people surrounding me. I may have difficulties to forgive myself, but believe me, for my own sake, I am trying. Really hard.


So, again, for the nth time, I am sorry. I will exert much effort to make it up and to straight things up.


*This is starting to be a tearjerker*

These RANDOM things...

I just thought of writing another entry 'coz it's effing boring and I need to spare my time for productive moves and acts. #DoesThisLooksLikeAProductiveOneThinkThinkThink

WELL. Nuff said. Here are some of random things that merely explains why I am weird and why I am misunderstood.

1. Though it doesn't show at all, I love comfy shoes. I like the ones which can be bought in Divisoria, Quiapo and Baclaran. Di naman ako maarte sa gamit, as long as it is cheap yet worth the price, gorabells na :)

2. These past few months lang ako natuto talaga ng Gay Lingo and use proper code names when we (with The Group) talk some people. (e.g., "Princess Sarah", "Kaharian", "YIN-YANG" and the most epic, "FLAWLESS PATOLA")

3. I prefer going out at night. Kahit na parang sobrang delikado and everything. Wala lang, I really want to see the world at night. Especially when there are lotsa lots of LIGHT. 

4. Mapang-asar ako. SOBRA! Pero I am a self-confessed PIKON.

5. I love giving letters. Though hindi na siya trend, EH bakit ba? Words are best when you write them and give it to someone close to your heart.

6. Malakas ako makaramdam ng mga bagay-bagay. Just like what I am telling everyone, "ALAM KO. HINDI AKO TANGA."

7. OPM's the best! Really. Loves Original Pilipino Music with all of my heart. (Now Playing: Kay Tagal Kitang Hinintay - Spongecola)

8. I procrastinate a lot. When I say A LOT, it's true and sakop nun ang lahat ng oras na tinamad ako.

9. Sa ngayon, NABIBITTER AKO. Yun lang. #NuffSaid

10. I love the feeling of listening. I am more like of a listener than a speaker. Pero when words are needed, that would be fine as well.

11. Hinayaan ako ng parents ko at the age of 17. (2nd year college) For them kasi, I must enjoy my years of being young kaya hindi sila naghihigpit. Pero when needed, nagpapaalam pa rin naman ako.

12. Alam ng nanay ko kung gaano ko minahal yung HULI. Like niya nga yun eh.

13. I write songs. Pero nakatago sa baul halos sa lahat. Still finding the perfect time to let it all out.

14. Masyado akong mapanlait. Sabi nga nila, IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY. Pero before I speak, pinaprocess ko muna kung paano ko sasabihin.

15. I realized that I am happier now, with friends and ******. Contented :)

(to be continued)

Here I am, TAKEN FOR GRANTED

"I'm tired of being taken for granted...that was suppose to stop with you "


I dunno what happened, what has been accomplished or whatever. You become as someone whom I never met and never knew from the first place. Well, I guess, that's what happens to people who has been hurt and wants to get out of some excruciating experiences in their respective lives.


You said before that, YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. That you'll treasure what we have and consider my opinions for you to decide and come up with things that may change or may not change your life and your point of view.


Di naman ito, first come first serve basis, alam ko. Pero para kasing di ka na ata marunong mag-isip. Oh my gosh! You're not the only human being living in this planet that you tend to forget people and neglect them when you're with somebody else. You keep on acting as if you don't really care, basta ikaw masaya. GREAT WAY OF THINKING, ISN'T IT?


No one knew or even I, I never knew THAT YOU CAN DO THESE TO ME! Akala ko pa naman, you don't have the capacity to hurt me, as a friend. As someone whose very willing to do EVERYTHING and willing to kill people whenever they talk about you. And now I realized, you don't appreciate or even acknowledge them. Kumbaga, wala man lang, pa-Consuelo de Bobo :)


Nakakabitter kasi, nakakawalang bilib ka na talaga. Nakakawalang respeto, nakakawalang ..... Basta! Nakakawala. Sana pati respeto ko, hindi sumama sa pagkawala ng bilib at paghanga ko sayo. SAYANG KA! SAYANG.


I used to believe that you're one of the best critical thinkers ever born but yet. Or maybe, you're one of the most stupid persons I've ever met and chose to be a professional one as your heart tries to eat you from inside.


Let me tell you this thing. You are screwing up with a very unethical whatever. Sorry for the term but that's a fact. Try to teach that person to be more courteous and when he/she tries to let someone stay from a certain house, at least,  try to ask the owner of the house. Don't act as if he/she owns every solid thing he/she sees and try to manipulate everything. You're gonna show that person to your parents? You must be kidding me, aren't you?


I know, this entry has been wrapped with bitter statements and ill-mannered use of figures of speech, but I just can't stop my tips to let these all out. But make it sure, that when you get back from where you've been, don't you ever try to cry or regret anything because you chose to do such.


By the end of this thing, I am wishing you the best of luck and at least, try not to leave people who has been with you SINCE DAY ONE. They really know what you've been through.


T H A N K S F O R T H E M E M O R I E S


One year and a half officially ENDS here and RIGHT NOW

Yung totoo, nananadya ka lang?

Yung feeling na parang may mga tao talaga na sadyang nananadya lang kasi parang di nila iniisip yung nararamdaman mo?


GANUN NA GANUN!Parang basta ako masaya, ikaw bahala ka jan! Di na ako nagpapaapekto sayo! Parang di ka nag-iisip. Yung totoo, wala ng utak? KALOKA KA! Lahat na lang ginamitan ng PUSO? Di ko lang alam kung nagpapaka-impulsive ka lang these past few days o sadyang pwedeng ganyan ka na forever.


Di naman kasi ganyan kung pagkakakilala ko sayo. I mean, ibang iba. Sobrang logical, napaka-critical thinker. Anyare ngayon? Critical ka ng literal.


Nakakawalang-bilib ka! NA KA KA WA LANG BI LIB! Yun naaaaaa!


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Before the word GOODBYE hurts me too much and too hard to handle... :)

Oh! Hell yeah! Happy Sembreak y'all. I missed blogging with too much sense. XD (Yeah, been doing the same old thing!) So yesterday, October 21, is the start of my most-awaited and last semestral break (HOPEFULLY) ever in my whole educational life. My class or my batch has been extended for a week because of doing the chasing, running and cramming thing and I guess, nobody wants that. So I passed my final requirement on Literary Criticism on October 20, 1:30 AM just to set myself free from stress.


But with the things I have done, I have that sad feeling that in a few months from now, I am off to the real world. I'll be facing real challenges that life had prepared for me. I lose my own track when I think of letting things go, of everything that I've experienced in my 16 years of bombarding myself with school works and everything. And that feeling, kills me, really.


It's just I must learn how to let go and think of ways to make every single second of my last semester, worth remembering.


But then, I must be thankful that with that heartbreaking fact, I get to know myself more and more each day. With the help of friends and colleagues, they helped me know my strengths and weaknesses. 


So, before a tear drops from my eyes, I must end this now and enjoy my 2-week break :))

Kanina, nakasakay ako sa jeep kasama ko yung isa sa mga kabarkada kong lalaking antukin. Ako, tulala siya tulog. Ako na tulala, siya ewan ko. Sana umuwi na lang akong mag-isa para naman kahit pano nakaalis pa ko, pero sige na nga, uuwi nako. :)

There's one line from one of my favorite songs by John Mayer.


"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A REAL WORLD".

Naisip ko, meron din kayang
"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"?

I don't know. Maybe they were just hiding from me when I badly need them. Too sad, di ako praktisado sa hide&seek kaya wala lang. Talo ako lagi sa hanapan.

Habang binabagtas ko ang V. Mapa, one thing I have in mind is that, why are people so obsessed when judging the other? Or others? (para sa mga masyadong grammar conscious) Do they know when to stop? Whom to judge? Where to start? How to get back those spoken words? I guess, they were not able to know the answers kasi they are too busy with one single thing, and obviously, that's JUDGING.

I have been judged. I have been back stabbed. Since I started my school career, hypocrites and plastic-made people were all over me. I have never been bullied for my whole entire life, lumalaban kasi ako. Pero I have been in an all-in-one hell chair, which they call THE HOT SEAT. I've been on that freaking chair several times before, but believe me, the recent open forum that I had is the most excruciating scenario of my 18 years of existence. Sana na-bully na lang ako. Sana pinatid na lang ako ng mga kaklase ko. Sana pinalibutan nila ng tinik yung upuan ko. Sana nilagyan na lang nila ng patibong lahat ng dadaanan ko. Kasi that feeling of sitting in that fcuking chair, is like burning yourself in a pot of boiling water na kahit na anong gawin ko, di ka makakaalis.


HEY! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?

May takip yung pot ng water kaya di ka makakalabas.

I know, it has been a month and a half, but for me, the feeling of emptiness and sorrow are still there. IT'S STILL HERE. Di naman sa masama ang loob ko. Actually, thankful pa ko kasi I have learned two great things from that scene.

One, I learned that you should not trust others with your secrets; and

Two, I learned how to do things on my own.

Dati kasi, I am a type of person na takot gawin ang bagay ng mag-isa. Medyo tanga pa kasi ako nun (well, hanggang ngayon naman). Pero iba ngayon. Si Sam na hindi makalabas ng classroom ng walang kasama, nakakakain na ng mag-isa sa fast food chain, naghihintay na ng jeep sa isang malayong lugar, nakakabiyahe na ng mag-isa, nakakapunta ng mall, nanunuod ng sine, kumakanta, naglalaro sa Timezone at Worlds of Fun ng walang kasama. Masaya pala kasama ang sarili minsan.

After series of being alone, I loved it. Natuwa ako sa sarili ko kasi I get to know more about myself na hindi ko nagawa before because of making my world revolve around with people who sets their own standards.

Di man ako nagsasasali sa fraternity or sorority, di man ako nag-ddrugs, masaya ako mag-isa. Wala kang iintindihin na ibang tao. Iwan ang mundo sa likod mo at hayaan silang tingnan ka mula ulo hanggang paa, na wala kang pakielam. Umupo sa kahabaan ng Manila Bay at abangan ang paglubog na araw. Libutin ang buong SM Mall of Asia ng walang kapaguran.

Parang since then, na-apply ko sa sarili ko yung


LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.

Sometimes, it is better to curse people in your mind than to let it all out. Mas OK ng nagbblog ka kesa nanunumpa ka.

Mas OK ng manahimik ka kesa nagsasalita ka.

Since then, di na ako nag-oopen up. Nahirapan ako, nag-suffer ang puso ko. Nagbalak ako lumipat ng section dahil sa trauma na inabot ko, pero walang nangyari. Feeling ko, nawalan ako ng kaibigan sa sobrang kagustuhan ko na protektahan sila sa evil monsters. At the end, ako pa yung naging evil monster sa paningin nila.

Nawalan ng tiwala sa sarili. Nawalan ng tiwala sa ibang tao, kaibigan at kahit sa kung sino pa. Sarili ko na lang ang gusto kong pagkatiwalaan sa mga gusto kong sabihin sa lahat.

Di ko alam kung bakit ko ito sinasabi. Siguro kasi, may nakumpirma ako na di ko nagustuhan, may nangyayari na hindi ko na lang babanggitin kahit kanino. May something na dapat nasa ilalim na lang ng unan ko para walang makaalam.

Ewan ko. Ayoko ng magsalita. Nakakasawang umupo sa hot seat, di ko alam

Magulo po ang blog entry na ito, but just like annoy other people na walang makausap, walang permanenteng shock absorber, mas mabuti pang sa ganitong paraan na lang. Nababasa man ng mga mata niyo, alam kong naiintindihan ng puso at isipan niyo ang gusto kong iparating. Di ko man maisigaw, at least, nalaman mo na mas pipiliin ko na lang ng mag-isa kesa sumama at makisama sa mga taong di alam ang depinisyon ng "PLAIN JUDGING" :)

"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"

Yan ang paniniwala ko sa ngayon. Di ko ito inimbento, yun yung laman ng puso at isip ko. :)

If you know how to be happy,

The world has nothing to do with it. It might as well be cooperative. 


Happiness comes in ways you don't know.


>>:D<<