Kanina, nakasakay ako sa jeep kasama ko yung isa sa mga kabarkada kong lalaking antukin. Ako, tulala siya tulog. Ako na tulala, siya ewan ko. Sana umuwi na lang akong mag-isa para naman kahit pano nakaalis pa ko, pero sige na nga, uuwi nako. :)

There's one line from one of my favorite songs by John Mayer.


"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A REAL WORLD".

Naisip ko, meron din kayang
"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"?

I don't know. Maybe they were just hiding from me when I badly need them. Too sad, di ako praktisado sa hide&seek kaya wala lang. Talo ako lagi sa hanapan.

Habang binabagtas ko ang V. Mapa, one thing I have in mind is that, why are people so obsessed when judging the other? Or others? (para sa mga masyadong grammar conscious) Do they know when to stop? Whom to judge? Where to start? How to get back those spoken words? I guess, they were not able to know the answers kasi they are too busy with one single thing, and obviously, that's JUDGING.

I have been judged. I have been back stabbed. Since I started my school career, hypocrites and plastic-made people were all over me. I have never been bullied for my whole entire life, lumalaban kasi ako. Pero I have been in an all-in-one hell chair, which they call THE HOT SEAT. I've been on that freaking chair several times before, but believe me, the recent open forum that I had is the most excruciating scenario of my 18 years of existence. Sana na-bully na lang ako. Sana pinatid na lang ako ng mga kaklase ko. Sana pinalibutan nila ng tinik yung upuan ko. Sana nilagyan na lang nila ng patibong lahat ng dadaanan ko. Kasi that feeling of sitting in that fcuking chair, is like burning yourself in a pot of boiling water na kahit na anong gawin ko, di ka makakaalis.


HEY! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?

May takip yung pot ng water kaya di ka makakalabas.

I know, it has been a month and a half, but for me, the feeling of emptiness and sorrow are still there. IT'S STILL HERE. Di naman sa masama ang loob ko. Actually, thankful pa ko kasi I have learned two great things from that scene.

One, I learned that you should not trust others with your secrets; and

Two, I learned how to do things on my own.

Dati kasi, I am a type of person na takot gawin ang bagay ng mag-isa. Medyo tanga pa kasi ako nun (well, hanggang ngayon naman). Pero iba ngayon. Si Sam na hindi makalabas ng classroom ng walang kasama, nakakakain na ng mag-isa sa fast food chain, naghihintay na ng jeep sa isang malayong lugar, nakakabiyahe na ng mag-isa, nakakapunta ng mall, nanunuod ng sine, kumakanta, naglalaro sa Timezone at Worlds of Fun ng walang kasama. Masaya pala kasama ang sarili minsan.

After series of being alone, I loved it. Natuwa ako sa sarili ko kasi I get to know more about myself na hindi ko nagawa before because of making my world revolve around with people who sets their own standards.

Di man ako nagsasasali sa fraternity or sorority, di man ako nag-ddrugs, masaya ako mag-isa. Wala kang iintindihin na ibang tao. Iwan ang mundo sa likod mo at hayaan silang tingnan ka mula ulo hanggang paa, na wala kang pakielam. Umupo sa kahabaan ng Manila Bay at abangan ang paglubog na araw. Libutin ang buong SM Mall of Asia ng walang kapaguran.

Parang since then, na-apply ko sa sarili ko yung


LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.

Sometimes, it is better to curse people in your mind than to let it all out. Mas OK ng nagbblog ka kesa nanunumpa ka.

Mas OK ng manahimik ka kesa nagsasalita ka.

Since then, di na ako nag-oopen up. Nahirapan ako, nag-suffer ang puso ko. Nagbalak ako lumipat ng section dahil sa trauma na inabot ko, pero walang nangyari. Feeling ko, nawalan ako ng kaibigan sa sobrang kagustuhan ko na protektahan sila sa evil monsters. At the end, ako pa yung naging evil monster sa paningin nila.

Nawalan ng tiwala sa sarili. Nawalan ng tiwala sa ibang tao, kaibigan at kahit sa kung sino pa. Sarili ko na lang ang gusto kong pagkatiwalaan sa mga gusto kong sabihin sa lahat.

Di ko alam kung bakit ko ito sinasabi. Siguro kasi, may nakumpirma ako na di ko nagustuhan, may nangyayari na hindi ko na lang babanggitin kahit kanino. May something na dapat nasa ilalim na lang ng unan ko para walang makaalam.

Ewan ko. Ayoko ng magsalita. Nakakasawang umupo sa hot seat, di ko alam

Magulo po ang blog entry na ito, but just like annoy other people na walang makausap, walang permanenteng shock absorber, mas mabuti pang sa ganitong paraan na lang. Nababasa man ng mga mata niyo, alam kong naiintindihan ng puso at isipan niyo ang gusto kong iparating. Di ko man maisigaw, at least, nalaman mo na mas pipiliin ko na lang ng mag-isa kesa sumama at makisama sa mga taong di alam ang depinisyon ng "PLAIN JUDGING" :)

"THERE'S NO SUCH PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE"

Yan ang paniniwala ko sa ngayon. Di ko ito inimbento, yun yung laman ng puso at isip ko. :)

If you know how to be happy,

The world has nothing to do with it. It might as well be cooperative. 


Happiness comes in ways you don't know.


>>:D<<

On The View Of The Heavier and Guilty Side...

After keeping my mouth shut and after all the stress that we've put ourselves into, HERE I AM, saying my silent piece without anyone noticing it without anyone reading it.

So there you are. I think all of you are not dumb to feel what's between. I've been ignoring everything since day one. From all those "wrong sent" messages to constant murmuring. Oh! I guess, now I know. I've been "the talk of the back."

And now is my turn to let this all out. Why? Cause I can't take it anymore.

Since my 'hibernation' from the group, you know that there's always a reason behind it. I am busy with some serious stuff, which happens to help you too. And I believe, I don't have any shortcomings when you need me and I have done much, I mean, so much on my part. I never thought that, that 'hibernation' will be permanent enough for me to think that I really deserve the word, "SCRATCH".

I am now taking the blame. The blame, in which, I do believe, I deserve. I always think that you will always be with me and you don't have anything more to think of. I feel sorry for myself for giving to much or more of myself which you didn't ask for, so with that, you don't owe me anything.

While I was in my busiest days, I am hoping that when the day comes that I will be free from what I am with for the past two years, I'll get back what I have lost and bond with you again, I just thought that when I come back, you will still be there and willing to welcome me again with open arms and update me with your own respective lives, but then again, you didn't ask for it, so we ourselves, don't owe each other anything. 

Believe me; I am trying to get back in track. Until a new bunch of people, introduced their selves to me and considered me as someone to be treasured and loved. Which, to tell you frankly, for the last 3 years, I didn't felt when I was with you. They were there, when you're busy talking behind me and fabricating stories that I did these and I did that. I never expected that those faces will be right before my eyes when I was expecting yours. 

I felt like, they were my new family, which happens to be true and accurate. I never expected that they will be as warm as the sun and make me feel so important. I've been so grateful to have them, until I remembered that you have the narrowest minds in town. I don't mean to be cynical or what, but we must accept that it's true. That even the smallest things on earth needs to be discussed with just your opinions and views surrounding it, that when you say it, IT IS ALREADY FINAL and NO OBJECTIONS TO BE CONSIDERED.

I always understand that we have different situations, we have contrasting points of view and yet we remain to be friends. But I just don't understand the point on why we have to act like selfish high school kids being bothered by a b*tch or talk behind someone when they see or notice something wrong. I just don't think we act on our ages and we practice maturity. I can't remember a time that I did such thing to you or to anyone of you and I didn't remember that I let someone sit on the hot seat whenever there are forums.

Yeah, I am considering everyone from the group, pathetic and hypocrite. Why can't we just blame each other's faces and tell each other the mere fact that we are all imperfect and live without considering and pleasing other people.

For a period of time, I have already seen some of your attitudes and I am disappointed that as a friend, I was not able to do anything to make it right or even to lessen hypocrisy, to think that we're together for the last 3 years of our lives. Excruciating facts. Sorry if all of these came from me. 

It saddens me to know that I don't think there are still chances to talk or to discuss CERTAIN MATTERS that needs much of our attention. But after all of what I scribbled tonight, I am still hoping that someday, somewhere, somehow, we'll be able to fix things and gather up what we have lost.

I may be happy with them, but it is a different feeling when I am with you.

Ending this not-so-long-yet-short piece,

Sam

*THE* Group (July 25, 2011)

My ever-loves *The* Group :)))

Eternity

I was actually inspired by some of my friends to write a song 'cause for them, I have this and I have that. Whatever they are. Hahaha

Now, I'm gonna publish one of the most "PINAKATATAGO" song. I even searched for this on my laptop files though it's dead for quite some time now. With the title, "ETERNITY"

--------------------------------------------

V1:
Though you never know
I would like to stand beside you
Spend most of my time
And waste every second doing none
It was another dream that waits
Another illusion meant to last

Refrain:
If only I had the courage to say,
"Will you be mine?"

Chorus:
Those stars lights the night
Just like what you did with mine
I wonder if you ever thought of me
Just like the way I think of you
Did it ever crossed your mind
That I will take you to eternity

V2:
Will you let me take you with me
Or even for a lifetime
I will choose to be with you
Even if it means letting everything go
Cause life itself is not life
When you're away from me

If only I had the courage to say,

"Will you be mine?"

Those stars lights the night

Just like what you did with mine

I wonder if you ever thought of me

Just like the way I think of you

Did it ever crossed your mind

That I will take you to eternity

Bridge:

With all things I said,

Though you don't hear this

I just want you to feel this

This heart

Dreams to be yours

Dreams you to be mine

Those stars lights the night

Just like what you did with mine

I wonder if you ever thought of me

Just like the way I think of you

Did it ever crossed your mind

That I will take you to eternity

If this is...

If this happened just for the sake of nothingness, I would rather have it blank and leave it with the note, "No Turning Back".
If this happened just to change everything I feel, I would make it another chapter of stupidity.

I know this happened for a reason, for a reason that is known by no one.

I am sorry for the damage that I have done and  for being stupid after all. It is a year and a half. I almost gave up everything but I ended up losing the fight that I have been conquering since day one. I may never notice what happened to us, what happened to me. I will keep it on my mind that I loved you and I need to do this for us to be happy as plain friends.

Friends just like before. This is not giving up. I never gave up. It is more like I want you to be happy and I want it for real.

Now, there's another who's trying to steal me away from everything. Don't worry, I'll be more careful this time.


Thank you and be happy :)