This blog entry will be far
different from the other posts, so please bear with me.
Father's
day is fast approaching (June 15). In the midst of thinking of what I should
and can do for that day, I can't help but be sad with the news my mother told
me two weeks ago.
My dad
lost his 8-year job. Yes, 8 years of his life was all gone and that is because
of one single mistake. Before 2013 ended, this certain issue has been discussed
at home and luckily, this has been left under wraps because it was solved and
my dad just got reprimanded for his actions. But unfortunately, it was
discovered again by the company's client and darn, he got terminated. He had
his last day of work on May 28th.
I have
mixed emotions for this. I am happy that my dad ended his tenure with the
company. Frankly speaking, it was not a good company at all because there were
some instances that they usually put their employees' health at stake. I know
for a fact that the bottom line is, that is business and at the end of the day,
it's all about numbers. And I definitely OBJECT that practice.
After 2
weeks of his termination, honestly speaking, my heart is breaking every time I
see my dad. Yes, he spends a lot of time with us right now but gosh, his eyes
are swollen and he got high fever last weekend because of fatigue, not to
mention, the scorching heat of the sun (that pesters my whole being every
afternoon) but he still asks for patience from me and mama. He keeps on saying
that he will do his very best to land a better job. He walks, walks and walks
until he reach his destination. He asks for friends' and former colleagues help
(Sorry papa for reading your Facebook messages whenever you leave it open). As far as I know, he went to every job
interview he was scheduled to, but ended up either being on the waiting list
for the scheduled final interview or failed because he could not meet the technical
skills that he needs to pass. Then, again, IT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY SINGLE
TIME.
My dad's
not getting any younger. He's already 54. Other 54-year old fathers these days
are either retired or just resting at home because their children are providing
things for them or others are waiting for their retirement. Every time I see
them, I could not help but wonder, WHY IS HE NOT ONE OF THEM? My dad's not
perfect, but he is a good man. Definitely a good man. He has done a lot of bad
things in the past, but definitely, he is a good father. He is sometimes a pain
in the ass, but definitely, he is a good provider.
At some
point, I blamed myself for being a selfish daughter at times. How could I be so
heartless for just thinking of myself to the point that I just stare at him and
don’t give him any reaction whenever he asks me to help him? How could I be so
self-centered to think that he can do every thing since he is the head of the
household? How could I be so heartless to think that at the age of 22, I can
really help him and stand as his assistant in terms of financial matters at home?
Before I went to work two nights
ago, he caught me staring in front of my laptop and crying. He asked me what’s
the matter, but I could not say that he is the reason behind my unstoppable sobbing.
He hugged me and asked for forgiveness and more patience. Maybe he knew that I
was crying because of pity and I can’t look him in the eye because I might not
stop. Obviously, I cried even harder. The last time I cried that hard to him
was when I knew that I failed a major subject way back in college. Same scenario,
I didn’t tell him the reason.
I’ve been out of my mind for two
days already and thinking of possible things I can do to help him but I just
can’t.
I don’t go to church and I admit
that I am an irresponsible Catholic after all. But I asked for God’s help,
blessing and guidance for my family. That we can get through hard times like
this and I also asked for His forgiveness for being an irresponsible daughter
that somehow caused my dad’s suffering right now.
To papa, advance happy father’s
day! I love you and I am sorry for being self-centered.
* Thanks for reading, dear reader.
